The Blues Life

I named the picture above ,"These are the Blues"

I responded to an article on Wynton Marsalis posted in "Facebook" by one of my "friends" there. I posted the first paragraph and then went back and deleted it . I realized that I don't know the "friend" very well at all. It occurred to me that I hire the man but he probably isn't really a friend ,especially as he posted an article titled, "Racism and Greed have Put the Blues on the Back Street" ( or back pages ... I don't recall right now and I refuse to post a link to this bullshit) It was an interview with Marsalis in Oct.2009. I start with my would be response :

It is ironic that Marsalis should be commenting on"Racism"much less his pretended authority on the "Blues".The article itself was just another chance at a plug for his current "bad" project where he tries to reunite with "White people" by doing a blues side with Willy Nelson. If there was one thing I got out of the Burns "Jazz" film project , it was that I personally don't want to support Wynton Marsalis any more than I support Willy Nelson.Boy,what a pair.Neither of them swing. The irony and "humor of God" is exhibited here ,yet another "Theo-Funny", not to be confused with the sounds of God,"Theo phony".



Then thoughts on the "Blues Life"



When I think of "Blues" I think of Lightning Hopkins . he played across the lines , that is the bar lines ,out of time ,out of rhyme yet with the essence of the definition of "blues". He lived the blues, as many actual blues players do, their lives a tragedy of mishaps and problems. Maybe this is why the"Blues" are so universal . The struggle of existence is pretty generally the same for everyone with the same conclusion. In between may be peaches and cream or the "Blues" and probably all of the above but the blues singer is naked in his lyric .



One night in Austin Texas about 1965 ,I was watching Lightning Hopkins at a coffee house . He introduced his washboard player as a destitute though I am sure that they had been traveling together playing club after club for years. As the applause died down ,Lightning snuck a taste from the Jack Daniels pint sitting behind his chair on stage before he went into another number. I felt a pinch on my ass and looked around and there was Janice Joplin standing next to me smiling that shit eating grin.she was dressed in a dirty tee shirt and tight jeans , fucked up as usual. I had to laugh at her smiling at me like she had gotten away with something . It didn't bother me but I still wasn't interested in her . We watched the next tune and suddenly two cops went onstage and started talking to Hopkins. It ended up with them putting handcuffs on him and taking him out of the club . He was arrested for drinking in the club and they took him to jail. Janice and me went to a local bar and put down a few more . The entire scene , Lightning introducing his destitute closest friend , Janice grabbing my ass, drunk, the arrest, and the life of "Blues" connected to Lightning Hopkins , is the essence of "Blues".It doesn't need an explanation ,over analyzing,or the acceptance of Wynton Marsalis.It doesn't have to be re-done ,singing ahead of the beat by old hillbillies like Willie Nelson . No amount of hair or pot will ever change Mr. Nelson in my minds eye that can still see him in the early sixties and who he really always was before Johnny Cash and Bobby Dylan started French kissing in 1972.



When I think of Janice and her life of "Blues" , I see her in that club and before ,the night she sat in with the Bob Sardo Trio on his gig at the "Id" , the local Austin College town bar at the time . Janice was so loaded that she was beyond singing ,nearly falling off the stage , loud , and annoying as drunks can get . She was escorted out of the place , thrown out . I was sitting coincidentally sitting in with Bob that night on stringed bass and Janice had remembered me from back then.Her adventures after 1965 have been documented pretty thoroughly and they seemed to be a continuance of her "Blues" life which eventually over took her as she tried to overcome her "Blues".Since 1965 I have seen too many overcome too recently, and too close to me to look back too soon , much too soon .

No Problem

You say ,"Thank you" and "No problem", the guy says like it might have been a problem if he weren't working there but he is working there and that is his job . What happened to "you're welcome" . People want to be as cool as Miles Davis, aloof ,unresponsive. Most people don't even know who Miles Davis is unless they heard the rock crap he was playing from the mid seventies still the attitude has filtered down to the peons. The Seven Eleven , the drug store , the gas station. It is part of the whole ,let's face it , society is rude,ruder, than any time ever before . People speak openly ,in full voice on the cell phone in the public library.They are too busy to concentrate on driving because there is a call coming in.When not on the phone their car is shaking from the sub-sonics of rap bouncing my car which is twenty feet ahead.You cannot get a human being on the phone to speak of business after you sign up for Internet or your phone as the company offers a robot to take care of your unimportant problem. The companies promising great advantages with their newest browsers on line expect you to wade through a plethora of what they call "Forums" that house a lot more questions just like your but no answers.Is it any wonder that the greed of a capitalist nation has caught up to the economy, in the form of a mirror that says."No problem" but really says , "I don't care ."

Well, we are "Cool" now , we are losing our jobs , our homes , our families, our representatives in congress but we are "Cool".The lobbies that represent big business , Insurance companies, Doctors,Lawyers, Wall Street , and other possible white collar crimes are running this country .The representatives , the elected officials that are supposed to be our lobby are saying "No problem" to their constituency once they are elected and "In" but there is a "problem".The problem might be beyond our abstract means of repairing it .If there is a problem of light being shone on the problem it can be clouded in "Patriotism" or another war front. Questioning the problem becomes "Treason". The change of political parties makes no difference because they are all on the same team and that is not our team.

Hey ! They were supposed to be on our team !

Music and Dance

Dance music might be an ancient cause of music as well as a church , so we have two origins that have continued. Church music doesn't need the dance in fact as late as the mid- sixties I remember when the Missouri Synod of the Lutheran Church decided to allow it's members to dance in social occasions and that didn't include the church .There was a semi-popular movie with Kevin Bacon playing the son of a preacher in the fictional church that brought attention to this very idea .The preacher's part was played by a tall actor that has since gone into over acting on television comedy series but he used to play roles with a lot of frowning or where he was the "heavy".I went to a Missouri Synod church but the drama was never there , in fact I was never told not to dance . I was an acolyte on Sundays and still play some of the tunes I liked on organ that I heard at the services while I sat in costume or assisted at communion, a dress-like white frock over a long black gown which was similar to the pastors .



I did dance even at ten when I remember repeatedly bumping against my baby sitter as we practiced the jitterbug and exciting her fifteen year old hormones . My school went on the local television dance show in the fifties . Dance contest to pop music was the "cool" thing for people who were socially popular . I did participate till I aspired to become a "Beatnik" and separated from the crowd . I had found jazz and classical music by twelve when my parents separated and divorced. My father left some records which I guess I wanted to enjoy as he wasn't there.Looking back now ,I realize that he hadn't been there too much for years .I think I was trying to please him in his absence by getting into the music and actually practicing and performing music. My father was a trumpet player who became an arranger and eventually a composer.It is easier to see this concept now but I didn't see this for most of my life and certainly didn't suspect this as a motive . I guess I wasn't looking for a motive.Anyway , the music I found in Stravinsky's "Petroushka" opened my ears and made me want more. The trumpet stylings and character of Chet Baker , another of the chance recordings left there, also seemed to direct me to follow , finding improvisation excited my mind.By 1958 I was into Miles Davis and searching for more electronic music. In 59 Ornette opened up my ears more and soon classical ,music concrete, jazz, and electronic music seemed to be agreeing and co-operating together .



Music can be abstract ,mathematical, make sense or not, and also just noise moving from one time to another.Certainly social situations like dances can be the initiate of taste for the sound of music but music doesn't have to dance all the time. Music can be rewarding in the abstract as a painting , a sculpture, an independent work standing alone. Beauty in the eye of the beholder , as it were , becomes an individual experience.What if music is as abstract as "Friendship", "Love", or even "God". Certainly the phrase"My music" isn't something foreign to the ear ,in fact it has taken a very familiar ring . It isn't a phrase always associated with classical composers or jazz but also with popular ,dance music. The selling of music has become an enormous business and the characterization of legitimacy , creativeness , and even the illusion of individualism has become a part of the spin by advertising agents. The subliminal excitations of "Sub-sonics" has become a part of marketing in music . Indeed , the "Beat" , the drums , the rhythm ,and the suggested motion of dance is integral in today's pop music . Rap ,ironically uses sounds that are below the human ear range which create tension .This technique was also used by the Nazis at Hitler rallies before his speeches . His speech gave the illusion of ,ironically ,bringing peace .The beat goes on . Perhaps the lower denominator and the earliest rhythm music is still the most powerful communicator to the most people . The dance did invoke the rituals of fertilization and rebirth and even sacrifice to the basic gods of agriculture , sex , war ,and more abstract ideas as culture progressed .Perhaps today we see a revitalization of the basic call to the dance but music still progresses outside the dance as well.

Addiction

I know a lot of people who have succumb to the indulgences that were once fun and seemed harmless .Smoking and drinking were perhaps seen ,from the point of a child , as how to appear adult in those years when we used to add a year to our actual age. Remember being fifteen and saying you were sixteen as well as those years before you turned twenty one . Did you alter your drivers license? Through adulthood we faced many other temptations that , perhaps,were fun at first .Those seemingly innocent self indulgences came along in social situations. Everybody was doing it so it didn't seem to be so bad at the time.It was fun , things were fun , we were young and winning all our fights not reflective or bitter but hopeful and yearning.


Somewhere along the way the fun became a habit. If it was big enough , a habit became a maintenance. The social indulgence became an obsession.This habit building succession can be applied to many things including social communications like "Myspace" or "Facebook" but the physical challenges of drinking , smoking , and recreational drugs are more immediate,destructive, and consuming to the individual.The social indulgence became an activity instead of a sideline , a side dish to human interaction.


"What are you going to do this weekend?"

"We're going to drink till our gums recede."



At this point it might be still a social event however the timing becomes habitual. The drinker learns when his "Bar" opens and looks forward to the time that he can drink. Security is having a safe amount of booze available at all times . It may be a six pack or perhaps a case of beer , a quart , a gallon of vodka , an ounce or ten joints of pot, a gram of cocaine, or even just a pack of cigarettes.The body starts craving , the timing calls, a certain amount must be imbibed. The individual cannot see the progression objectively at some point in the progression of the monster taking over , the addiction taking it's due. Sometimes friends and family see signs of the problem , sometimes not. The individual does not want to hear negative remarks because objectivity is gone.


Sometimes drinking can be analogous with a disease. Actually, in my opinion much of any addiction should be recognized as a disease. A disease is bigger than will power and moral legislation. A disease isn't treated with law enforcement or supernatural promises. A disease sometimes can be treated with other drugs, medications to alleviate the need for the habitual problem. Sometimes the replacement can be as bad or worse than the original addiction , as in the case of methadone substituting for heroin .


In the early nineteen sixties the drug LSD was used to treat alcoholism with some good results. There might have been other positive uses for LSD but for the campaign of our government to stop the recreational use by the public before it was made illegal.The legal uses by psychoanalyst were cut off by the government deceptions of the era ,for instance the campaign to spread the word that LSD could cause malformations of fetuses like the another drug in the news at that time,thalidomide. This was a lie ,a myth perhaps created in an effort to stop the experimentation of people with a (then)legal substance.It is very possible that LSD could be used to treat other addictions but that will not be an acceptable theory to be tested in the current climate.What we see as laymen are "Bad trips" which are over-publicized while the benefits of the exploration of the self and the bringing to light of the sub-conscious has been neglected.Recently I was a approached to edit a theoretic paper on the "Eleusinian Mysteries"of ancient Greece.The theory was associated with an earlier period of time in Egypt .The theory had to do with the use of drugs during initiations and rites. The drug mentioned was ergot which had hallucinogenic effect , similar to LSD.While the paper was well constructed and well researched and documented, I advised the psychoanalyst to avoid any association with LSD. LSD has gone the way of "Pot" and the campaign "worked" to demonize and see the relatively harmless as producing horrendous habitual problems. The government has yet to truthfully associate alcohol with the problems it brings about and that is probably because of the strong alcohol lobby hanging around congress and their "Parties".

The idea that "I can control it," is a recognisable phrase to addicts. They might actually believe the sentence as they mention this idea to others but later ,when their bar opens,they have to attend to their ministries.One birthday , my step father gave me all the domestic sherries as a present.I did drink them all eventually and one that I didn't care for at the time was a dry sherry. It had a bitter taste and I drank it slowly over ice. Time after time when I decided to cut down I would drink the dry sherry with the idea that because I didn't like the taste I wouldn't drink as much. What actually happened was that I kept drinking more .I drank two bottles at a time , then three.Once I recognized that I was loaded I thought I might as well go back to my regular choice of booze.The point is that I found a way to sneak around my own limitations that I had put on myself.Later I found that the only way for me to stop was to stop and not to ween myself off gradually. There is no self control , that is the nature of addiction. That is the nature of disease as well. You can't recover from a common cold by willing yourself to stop sneezing.

The physical addictions are more immediate and demanding monsters.On the TV show"So You Think You Can Dance"there was a dance choreographed to show a dancer playing the part of "Addiction"torturing his partner,a beautiful blond young woman.It was an outstanding depiction of the theme as he caressed her ,pulled her, dragged her, bullied her, and successfully continued to drag her back to his control. It brought tears to my eyes because I recognized him.I think that perhaps addiction as a whole might classify as a disease much as does alcoholism.Almost ,like a virus,though small,it can become bigger than the victim.A social event brought many people innocently to drugs but as the plot developed , other people were no longer needed,only the habit.Treatment should not involve the idea of "Just say no!",moral legislation,law enforcement,or the supernatural.Keep up your own regiment ,if you can,but try not to blame yourself,if you fail sometime.

Almost two years ago I lost another good friend to the beast.His wife contacted me and said he was taking a lot of laxatives and wasn't interested in her anymore. I told her to look for his stash and she found the percadon.They went to the doctor and the doctor found a cracked rib and prescribed "percadon" , so now he was getting them from the doctor and from the black market. As things progressed he went on methadone maintenance to get off the percadon. He loved the methadone high but this treatment makes your bones brittle. He nodded out in his kitchen ,fell, and broke his hip. After the hip replacement surgery he was found dead in his hospital room slumped over his guitar.There was nothing I could say to him by phone as his phone seemed to magically run out of battery whenever I confronted him with the issue of his re-found addiction.My helplessness was nothing next to his own in the throws of the ecstasy of his habit which was a government supported maintenance treatment.

I know too many women right now who are wrapped tight in their cups. They speak with me sometimes sounding like I did as a young man , bragging to me about their sexual contacts, speaking too loud, and not focusing.Manliness isn't really attractive in women.The aggressive behavior is annoying and transparent. Neither of the three women can see themselves as I see them. They are all in their fifties and they wouldn't have a lot in common, if they even knew one another,yet they would be happy drinking together.The loss of control , focus, depression, and aggressive behavior would put them all in the same category , over compensating for their insecurities , calling me out of the blue though I never had a relationship with any of them.I wish there were something I could say to allow them to see that I have done the same , have known others who have suffered worse , even death , in the throws of their addiction and they aren't alone in the fact that the problem might be beyond their control. I did confront one of the women by day when I knew she would have a sober moment and told her that she calls me like an old boyfriend when she gets drunk.I haven't been able to reach her again for well over a year. Now, I try not to be too blatant in my observations.

I got a call last night which woke me up as I had to get up this morning . It was near two and I had probably been fast asleep for at least a half an hour when the phone rang. In a stupor I got up as I forgot to put the phone nearby. I fumbled ,looking for the phone but didn't reach it in time , standing next to it as it stopped. I went downstairs to see who called on the caller ID and I knew it was someone who knew me from way back when people called me around the clock. I called her this afternoon ,no answer. she eventually called back and said ,"You called me?" Of course , I told her I was calling her back . she said she didn't notice what time it was at the time she called . There wasn't a lot to say but I mentioned I had been thinking about her as I was writing this blog article about addiction.It wasn't like I was ever one of her old boyfriends , it was her husband who I had known since 1966 and died a couple of years ago( the methadone story above). Addictions have a way of being passed along to people close by as well as the children. She mentioned that his son was going into something "Blue" , a drug she couldn't explain but it is all the same drug , the same , monster , the same reliance , the same self indulgence. I knew that she also must have had a booze moment to call me.

I wish there were something I could say that would change anything about the addictive personality and destructive things that go along with it.I have spoken with people and recognized that they were just pretending and not really focusing on what they were pretending with me, namely that they were staying away from the monster. It does take one to know one and you can't kid a kidder and all that jazz . Recognizing the lie doesn't help a thing in my heart. Anything can be over done. I have a friend who carries a thirty pound bag and another ten pounds or more in a second bag. She didn't always carry all that weight but it seemed to accumulate. There was nothing I could do to keep her from carrying the forty pounds everywhere. The baggage was keeping her from getting work and people looked at her strangely. I told her the truth as I saw it and tried to get her to come out without the weight but she would even take it to the bathroom when she visited here.Eventually she lost her place , the second time in two years.Her habit brought her down yet she continued to cling to it.This is addiction, this is sickness, this is the nature of a disease. It becomes bigger than the victims needs. I wish there were something I could say that could have changed anything.

Rippling Torture

It is astounding to me that there is still a discussion about the merits of torture . Now, they are dragging out Sheik what's his name and showing how water boarding helped to make him sing like a "Canary". They didn't mention that he also confessed to being a witch and flying around the world trade center on a broom. There is no defense for torture or the negation of history. Why was the "Spanish Inquisition" stopped ? Was it stopped ? Wasn't this a further persecution of Jews? Why were the Salem witch trials stopped? Have they been stopped? Did "Goody two shoes" win over "Goody" the witch? The enormity of this situation is muddied in the "health Plan" smear campaign , the fear of euthanasia , as if this is an evil plan to kill the citizenry of the United States and not a blatant , political media lie. While the fingers point to a "liberal press" , why is it all we get is conservative republican posturing and moral nail biting.



Today , the end of August 2009, there is a debate in America about the right of our country to torture prisoners.What is it we are fighting for in Iraq or Afghanistan? Are we fighting for the right to torture prisoners throughout the world as well? How far can we go in the name of "National Security"? Does this right to torture include torturing Americans? Has this already occurred?Is it happening right now?



While we continue to wave the flag and shout platitudes of glory ,our system has been compromised. This isn't a new occasion as I saw it in 1968 Chicago.Today on "Hardball" with Chris Mathews I saw a woman , a recent talking head , say that most Americans sided against the Viet Nam War when the Chicago riots were televised . She was echoing the later Nixon Whitehouse political characterization of the "Silent Majority". That Democratic Convention put a nail in the party that was already self destructing by not recognizing the murders of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy , both major Democrats killed months before the "Riots"occurred. Incidentally, I knew kids who were going to the Chicago that year . They invited me to join because it was a planned social event , a "Be In" , a "Protest rally" . Those "Kids" weren't going to cause a riot at all.The right to assembly was supposed to be the right of our citizenry. While the Republicans won over the self destructing Democrats that year , within four years Nixon had compromised the CIA and the FBI in his own misuse of power in the name of his presidency. The political assassination of McGovern wasn't really needed to win the following election yet the "Watergate" break in was just a tip of that iceberg , another "Witch Hunt" which was to have forced answers.



Nearly forty years from that date and the climate become too dangerous to disagree with the party in power. The Bush Whitehouse made the line ,"..Have one doubt and they call it treason"( "Compared to What?") a reality in America .The Iraq War, founded in lies, continued with characterizations after the actual facts. While our economy has gone into the dumper, our cites suffer the lack of funds , and are actually physically threatened, as in New Orleans, our big businesses are supported with "Bail Outs"while our citizenry looks on incredibly , losing their houses and jobs along the way. Is it any wonder that the question of torture can be brought up at such a time in our history? Torture has been used by our government and the victims become scapegoats that deflect the attention of a flag waving public being swayed by political posturing and the vengeance of recent years.Obama says he doesn't wish to look back and is continuing the cover up by his inaction. Why would we expect him to be any different than the rest of Congress who continue to protect their right to a health care program , yearly raises in their salary, and continued benefits from big business lobbyist. In spite all the campaign promises in years since Reagan of campaign reform , term limits, and curbing power of the lobbyist , all questions are moot once the elections are over.The question of "Torture" also is becoming a dull roar but we should never abandon the principals of our ideology for the immediate gratification of political interest.

The fight of the "Chicago Seven" was another "Witch Trial" , another small war that was fought in the name of all of our rights as citizens. The trials continue. The problem continues. The Spanish Inquisition and Salem Witch Trials haven't really stopped as well as the persecution of Jews. Our founding fathers were witnesses to what religion and government could do in England and saw fit to provide a separation of church and state for fear of this theocratic possibility.Torture goes along with Theocracy . It can be seen in the Taliban of Afghanistan as they existed in 1998 . The idea can be seen in Akhenaten in 1200 BC who supported his monotheism with the military of Egypt.Both of these Theocracies were brought down temporarily yet re-surfaced in other places , in other forms. If America would be a democracy or a republican plurality , it still must adhere to it's principals and recognize history ,not coloring and characterizing politically or supporting torturous methods at any time for any cause lest our government becomes our enemy.This terrible repetition of bad history lessons passes state and party lines across the globe as well as in America.Bring the question to an end here and now. Torture does not bring any good at any time when used by any government for any cause.The next person tortured could be you.

Don't Look Back , Something's Coming

If you keep looking back while you're going forward , you might bump into something while you're not paying attention.My bad dream is walking into a parking meter but that is a minor mishap compared to the real catastrophes that can happen.Isaac Newton said,"For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction." Somebody else coined the phrase ,"If you don't pay attention to history , history repeats itself." Thisidea of controlling your life intelligently from an objective point of view looks good on paper yet , as things happen in life , emergencies bounce you about , one reacts as much as one plans . Certainly the argument of environment sometimes supersedes the fact of heredity. So we are looking back , bumping into things , not paying attention to history , and are constantly being challenged by developments beyond our control while time relentlessly passes . All we can do is look back at where we were and hope we can cope with where we are going.

Yesyerday I wrote two messages that were really reminiscences of things past . I was responding to just the mention of "Woodstock" , the event of the summer 1969 as well as a note to another musician that brought up the "Funkadelics" and I wondered if he knew a woman I know close by who went with a guy I knew from before "Woodstock" Joe Chambers . In "Facebook", Marshall Keys , a local musician and friend on "Facebook" wrote: "A friend of mine wants to interview someone in the Washington, DC area who was at Woodstock for its 40th Anniversary. If you were there or know someone who was, please let me know. Of course this person would have to actually remember the events of August 1969!" I responded :"I deliberately didn't go because of the weather but Jimi did even though he had a bad place on the bill . Monday Nt he came back still awake , still stoned , and we went to "Steve Paul's Scene" ( a night club)and sat in ,sessioning between sets on a "Sly"guitar riff we all liked("Sing A Simple Song") . We were asked to stop when they brought on "Sha Na Na" who did their show and moved rock and roll more in the show biz act that Jimi was hoping to get away from as early as Woodstock, the day before . So "Sha Na Na" blew Jimi Hendrix , me , Buddy Miles ,and the bassman off the stand that Monday Nt ."

I wrote to Greg Boyer, an alumni of Funkadelic connections (playing his trombone):"Hey Greg,I wonder if you knew Lynne Flanery who went with Furry ( I think that was his name) , anyway she was hanging around the George Clinton thing from way back when . I met her because she also went with Joe Chambers of the Chambers Brothers , a band of guys I had to hear every night they played the "Electric Circus" . We were the house band at the time as guys like them or Sly Stone came through and tore up the place. We were all "heads" in an era of "heads" . The "Circus" had a band room with black foam rubber that emulated stalactites and a flashing black light inside where we used to go to share a taste between shows , taking our choice of groupies. Those were the days . Man , I am on a jag as Marshall wrote something about Woodstock and I tripped off on another adventure from the same time ....."


Reviewing both of these memories for some reason another man popped into my memory , Buck Clark . Buck was a drummer here in DC when I met him in the summer of 1964. I stopped in his place for a taste and dug is scene as we listened to music . He was a painter of extraordinary works . The enormous African themes and striking colors drew you in closer to examine and enjoy his conceptions . Coincidently ,the year before ,I had met Les McCanne in LA at "Ciros" where he had another DC guy , Roy Airs with him. Buck traveled with Les in his later years playing percussion instruments when they became pretty popular and Les was singing some of the songs. Buck was a great guy , easy to speak with and get along with , at least for me . There were other men in the DC jazz click back then like Charlie Hampton , Buck Hill , Harold Chavis,Steve Novasel , and Butch Warren. Buck Clark and Charlie are long gone but not forgotten by many of us who knew them and worked with them.

In 1964 there was a white musicians union and a black musicians union . Steve and myself were invited to join the black union and I think Steve might have gone with it at that time . I left town before the end of the summer and went West to LA ,joining that union. The musicians union in LA at that time wasn't too bad a place to hang out because they had beer and pool tables and you actually could possibly get a gig right on the site sometimes as they did refer musicians when people called . Washington seemed like another system of graft as did New York when I got there . New York had a place where people hung on the wall and got club dates if they were connected. There were hundreds of men there listening to the cattle call at "Roseland" the ballroom on a lower floor of the musicians union building. The names were recognizable and the same names seemed to be called all the time . It was kind of neat to hear some of the names of the men in the room but if your name wasn't called it just made the city colder no matter what time of year it was .

I did get a call there and went out playing lead guitar with a band for a large dance . It was exciting with so many people dancing and such a good response . One of the tunes was sung by the organist which really was a soul ,boogaloo blues . He would stress the first beat with the lyric ,".. O K , we're gonna rock it one time ,now rock it !" He put it phrases there like ,"O K we're gonna suck it one time ..." It was kind of sensational and thrilling with all the people singing along with the dirty lyrics. Between sets a guy came up and asked to see my union card and I proudly showed it to him but I didn't know that the others didn't show him their cards or weren't in the union at all and he brought me up on charges . I had to appear at the musicians union at a hearing as if I were some kind of musical criminal. I thought it was rotten but paid the fine of fifty dollars and stopped paying dues not long after that but still I had to pay off the local representatives to work around town and New Jersey and Connecticut .

We all had to pay the union to get paid for recordings because all the money went through the union and they took their share first . Many of us would go around the corner to a drug store where we could cash our checks . One day as we were walking that way ,my band bumped into Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers coming from the same place . I was thrilled to meet him and Lee Morgan , who was still alive . Art said ," Electric Circus, right ?" I was really happy that he knew me . The Messengers had played "The Velvet Underground" which was downstairs from the "Electric Circus" and ,evidently , he had come upstairs just as I had gone downstairs to check them out . Art Blakey was a great man and never pretentious any time that we met over the years. It's funny how I remember those men I respected and who were real people ,not supermen or aloof characters ,too important to speak with me. Dizzy,James Moody,Coleman Hawkins,and Louis Armstrong were all like that with me and I will never forget them as good men. I wish I would have been as good in my life. Buck Clark was one of those guys , too.

The Confusion I'm Feelin' ain't No Tongue Can Tell

"The confusion I'm feeling , Ain't no tongue can tell." "With God on Our Side" Bobby Dylan



I used to play the stringed bass . I left the wrestling team in 1962 to work into the wee hours to my coaches chagrin as I had won all my matches except one in my junior year and the one guy I lost to graduated that year and also won the State championship. Wrestling was a one on one sport , something that was never as popular as football or the other high school sports and really didn't hit it's zenith till fairly recent years with the advent of mixed Marshall arts tournaments . Wrestling took a lot of time . We had to work out every night and sometimes it was hard to make the weight limit but the discipline brought strong will power . Working and making money in my senior year around town brought to fruition some of the dreams I had dreamed since I was about twelve of playing music for a living.Leaving wrestling seemed easy yet I have had second thoughts as my life in music has been a life of sacrifices as well as adventures.Second guessing and "The grass is always greener.." somewhere else never really helps and the time machine has yet to be created from fantasy to reality which might allow a second chance at anything , any decision set in stone in history .



My senior year was one of barely getting by . I , like most young men , was deep into the conflicts of a teenager , wanting to belong as well as wanting to become independent . I was in the throws of being directed and yet coping with the idea of making my own decisions and taking responsibilities . I was young in my collection of mistakes . My visions didn't fit with my family's idea of me and what I was supposed to be .My high school girlfriend had bought her fathers tears about me not being "Jewish" and fell for the entire program which included me not going to her brother's Bar Mitzvah . This seemingly small moment in my history came back years later when I realised that this was a betrayal and a separation , the first in many others that got easier and more frequent over time . I had a catharsis , an urge to separate from everything that was my life and what seemed to be in the future. I was lucky that I actually graduated from high school and left a week later for Los Angeles to find my father . While I had a lot in common with my father , I found that he also had designs on my life and he was affected by his current wife's jealousy of me . Though I had enrolled in college over the summer , my father informed me that he was going to send me back East . It was then that I walked out and found a place to live in Hollywood even before I started the college school year . I had crossed the Rubicon and there was no going back at eighteen.



A lot of years have gone by since 1963 yet that year's insecurities continues to this day . The stringed bass was left behind like the wrestling though I kept looking over my shoulder , wondering ,"What if ?" Chance has played an enormous part in everything.I have bounced and improvised at pivotal points with the basic instincts of a small animal trying to survive . I have been very fortunate along the way yet I still have to improvise and , while I see others accumulating wealth, family , and friends , there is little for me to cling to . Possessions are the toys of the past , the instruments and equipment I have used that are lined on every wall , in the closets , under the bed , and under foot .Yesterday I wondered what would become of my stringed bass if I don't have a place to store it much less to play it .It is only the tip of the musical iceberg and insecurities I face as I continue to age .The truth of the matter is that I am not alone in this life of insecurities and no insurance,or assurances any more than I am alone in the credit card debt I have accumulated.In the end , we all must face our responsibilities alone , and face the world we made for ourselves , good and bad. We have equality as human beings when the days get shorter and there is no insurance or assurance of anything for anyone,rich or poor.Those rich people who have already passed on ,including my own friends , couldn't buy another moment.There were a lot of "good" people who did the "right thing" and karma seemed to fail them . They may not be forgotten but the rest of us have to move on and find our good feelings again , rediscover our current dreams , and press forward and face tomorrow like we did yesterday as if there is no tomorrow.